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Got the call today from my midwife after she consulted with the specialist, and was determined by both of them that it indeed to risky to go forward with a homebirth at this point. I feel like I am processing all this information with a very open mind and open heart, and feel good about the decision. Of course it is a pain in the butt to now try to find an OB who will take me on and which hospital we will choose, etc…oh, and not to mention the whole no Maternity coverage health insurance thing…but I believe it will all get worked out in the end.

Some things in life happen for reasons unknown to us, and I can either be mad and fight it, or process it and move forward with a positive outlook. I choose to move forward knowing that I am a strong, intelligent woman, who will birth this baby just fine no matter where we are at.

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So I could dedicate an entire post to my trip to the ER last Tuesday and the 2 nights of hospital stay that followed, but I am not going to. To think back to it all the time brings me stress, and stress is what I am trying to stay away from from now until my baby decides to be born.

Right now I am 35 weeks along, and 37 is considered “full term”, and safe time for having a home birth. We still really want to have a home birth, but there are a few things we need to find out from the specialist over at Methodist first, just to make sure that that is still a safe option for both myself and for the baby. I know that bleeding is something that no one wants to see in pregnancy, and up until now, I’ve never had to deal with this rollercoaster. Since Friday morning I have pretty much been “blood free”, and now this morning there is some brown spotting. Not alot at all, but it is there. At least it is brown, and not red. I just don’t know what is considered safe, or normal, for me right now, so it is easy to get worried about anything. As long as my baby is telling me he is fine, that is reassuring. He is still actively moving and is head down. Taking care of a toddler and trying to take care of yourself is not an easy task. He still likes to be picked up from mom and dad, only now, mom is saying NO. Like right now, I feel bad that he is sitting in front of the T.V., but I just feel really limited to the activities I can/should be doing with him right now…a little T.V. over the next couple of weeks is not going to kill him, right?

I have been journaling about all of this, and it is helping me process it all and working through it. I just felt the need to get on this morning and write a little bit to “get it out” and move on with my day.

Last night I went to a group Blessing Way Celebration. It was at a local yoga studio here in town that is in a beautiful house. There ended up being 4 of us pregnant gals plus Sandy, the leader, so it was a nice, intimate group. It really was wonderful. For 2 hours we listened to Sandy read to us beautiful affirmations, meditations, poems, even a song…acknowledging the inner strength in all of us. There were tears shed and stories told, it was simply wonderful.

Today I started collecting things to put on my “birthing alter”. This is something new I am going to do for this pregnancy. It sounds wierd, but it it is really quite simple. I have space set aside on top of the baby’s dresser where I am collecting things that are sacred and meaningful to me during this time. Some items from the Blessing Way last night, his first little cloth diaper he will wear, his first little booties and onsie, words of encouragement written by my sister-in-law, a candle, just to name a few. I am putting together a collage right now of words and photos and other inspiring things that I am going to hang above the space. I even asked Gabe if he will participate and do some artwork on the collage.

I am currently reading the book Birthing In The Spirit, which is proving to be a perfect read for this time of my pregnancy. I really do feel at peace, positive, happy, and very serene right now. I would really like to carry this attitude with me over the next several weeks, and even spill it over onto my friends and family.

This is the phrase I’ve heard from my hubby about at least a couple of items that I’ve cooked in the past week. See, 2 weeks ago I started making and freezing about 2 main dish meals each week to reheat and enjoy after this baby is born. So each week when I sit down and do my weekly menu planning for our family, I always include at least 2 things for dinner that I think would be excellent nourishment post partum. Plus, with fall like temps hitting us early this year, it seems that most of these things are very “homey” as well.

It’s just interesting that I am in the full swing of nesting right now, and loving it I must add, and I feel like there is just extra “love” in everything that my hands touch right now. Including my cooking. And, I have to say that in my opinion, I have one of the opinionated, critiques of a husband who would tell me the truth about how something tastes whether I want to hear it or not. Last week, it was my spinach lasagna that he was in awe of, and that, we now have 2 pans of in the freezer, and tonight it was my scalloped potatoes and ham that he said was the best he’s ever had..(not even that I’ve just made), and that we have one large pan of for the freezer. I just think that there is some kind of magic in the air right now, and I can’t quite describe what I mean..Gabe thinks I’m just hormonally supercharged and as high as high can be. Whatever it is, I hope it sticks with me for the rest of this pregnancy, and I hope the “crash” won’t kill me.

Fun at Greenwood Park

Fun at Greenwood Park

Appliqued Diaper Bag

Appliqued Diaper Bag

Tie Dyed Onsies

Tie Dyed Onsies

Tie Dyed Shirts

Tie Dyed Shirts

Tie Dyed Hoody Towel/Recieving Blanket

Tie Dyed Hoody Towel/Recieving Blanket

So, as you can see, I’ve been having some fun! Last week, I got an invite from a local mom/Tie Dyer, to come over to her house for a “tie dye party”. I had already been gathering up white things with wishes to do this, and her timing couldn’t have been more perfect. She had all the supplies on hand and the expert “how to” knowledge to guide me in the right direction. It was so much fun, thanks Jessica! I can’t wait to see my little guy wearing every single piece that his mommy made just for him! The black messenger diaper bag was something that I recently got at a thrift store for a whopping $3.50, with hopes of jazzing it up. I shopped on Etsy, and found these amazing, fun appliques that were really quite reasonable and as of today, ironed them on to the bag. I think it is quite cute and can’t wait to start using it! Plus, everytime Ethan looks at it, he makes a cute little lion roar, how adorable:)

So, what’s next on my list? I have an old dresser sitting out in the shop, waiting for some repairs and a face lift. I’m sure there are other things, I just can’t think of right now…Gabe thinks I’m crazy, I think it’s fun!

Man, where has the time gone? Hard to believe I am in the home stretch already, well that is if you can call being pregnant 2 more months the home stretch. I feel like I am much more whiny at an earlier stage than I can remember being last time, much more uncomfortable, etc. I have a hard time believing that I am going to make it all the way to 40 weeks, but I could be very wrong and I don’t want to get my hopes up. It’s just that my body has been giving me signals that things are progressing, and by the current size of my belly I can’t imagine it growing even larger over the next 9 weeks!

What a magical morning for my dear hubby. He got to feel the tiny little baby kicks on my belly for the first time. I have been feeling them inside for a while now, but on the outside since sometime last week. You know though, that babies never want to cooperate and let the daddy feel them too…but this morning as I was lying in bed having some quiet time with the little babe, Gabe came in to say goodbye and decided to give it a try. It is amazing how you can actually feel this little lump of baby mass and then all of a sudden, it is moving around followed by a strong enough kick to let him feel it on his hand, and me feel it through his hand!! He actually got kicked twice! Guess the little guy/girl is growing stronger everyday! This is by far my favorite part of pregnancy:)