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Um, yes.  It has been awhile, only 10 mths to be exact since I’ve written anything on here. I’ve been….busy?  I’ve decided, with some help of an encouraging friend (thank you Jen), to try to pick up where I left off.  Well, kind of.

I’m starting off small, and I’ll go from there.  I think I have just become an addict to many of my friend’s blogs that I decided mine was too boring or something! Well, no pressure. It is what it is, like it or not.  More to come soon, by soon I mean sooner than 10 mths from now. I think that’s an appropriate goal 🙂

Welcome Back!

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Mornings can be bad for me. Especially if I didn’t get a good night’s sleep due to a restless child, or just my own inability to get comfortable enough. My hubby knows that mornings are generally best if you just give me some space and let me do my thing in silence. But this morning was a different story. He comes in the bedroom at 6am and asks me if I can get up and make him a sandwich for lunch. This immediatly sends stress waves throughout my body, not because I have a problem getting up and making something for him, but because we have NOTHING in the house to make for him right now. See, this is an ongoing issue that we have. I feel like all we do is spend money on groceries, and they dissapear so quickly. Like we just went to the grocery store as a family last Sat night, and stocked up for the week, spent $80 something dollars, thinking that it might last us for the week…but no, we are bone dry.

I give my hubby a hard time alot because I say it is mainly his fault that we go through food so fast, and that I end up spending so much money at the grocery store in the first place. Yea, he doesn’t like these talks. I know it is not his fault that he has SUCH a high metabolism and therefore his breakfasts consist of 3 courses each morning, the fact that a “lunch” for him needs to consist of not just a sandwich, but a sandwich plus chips and salsa, an energy bar and other misc snacks. And when I say that it is because of him that I spend so much at the store in the first place I mean this…he is the kind of guy that will not eat just any ol brand of whatever. He has specific brands for specific items that I MUST get, otherwise if I try to save some $$ and buy whats on sale or something else that I feel is equal, it just sits there and he will not eat it. Honestly, I have never met such a picky eater. Just picky in the sense of brands, if something is “day old” vs fresh off the truck he won’t touch it either. The thing is, we are not rich. Far from it actually, and I guess I was raised in a family were we didn’t spend $4+ per loaf of bread(only to have it disappear in 3 days) or that we had to spend the extra money on “name brand items”. He says that I am a chef, and I should know that these “name brand items” exceed in quality. Yea, maybe my taste buds are fried, but I guess I don’t always agree with that.

He is a BIG snacker. I can’t keep enough in the house. And I really am not complaining because I think it is great that he is such a healthy eater, and wants things like dried fruit, raw nuts, $2+ energy bars, flax chips, etc…but let’s face it, these items can break the bank!!! I just went to the health food store the other day and spent the $100 dollars that he gave me on nuts, chips, fruit, etc…and now he asks me “what did you do with all the money I gave you…what did you even buy if we are out of bread, oj etc??” Yea, well that $100 filled a medium sized bag and he has probably already eaten half of everything..

Sorry, this is a major need to vent morning, as you can see this is an ongoing issue that I face. I like to feel like I take care of my family by feeding them good, healthy food….keeping the laundry clean, having the dishes done, etc..but so often I feel like the water rises over my head and I am sinking and can’t keep up with it all!! And then to be critcized by my hubby for spending so much of his hard earned money, and where does it all go, etc…I want to SCREAM!!!!! I swear to god all I do is buy groceries, and pay the bills…and the minimum amts at that. Are we ever going to get ahead?? I mean what do we have to do?? I use cloth diapers, cook all our food at home, rarely eat out, maybe him and I go out to a movie once every couple of months…I just get so frustrated when I feel like we are not moving forward, when it seems like all hubby does is work, work, work…..and he works hard. He thinks I don’t appreciate all he does for the family, but I do. I know he is out there working 10+ hr days for all of us, so you are appreciated honey, very much so…

Sometimes you just need to get something out in order to move forward with a fresh outlook. This is what this is, sorry you had to be a part of it..(for anyone who actually reads my blog). But I do feel better now. I just hate the fact that my day started out with a fight and feelings of anger on both our parts, I just want to call him and apologize for being so grumpy, but it is probably best to just leave him alone..(men don’t care as much as we do about the emotional part of things).

Ok, it’s Friday, and I have made my list of things I want to accomplish today around here. It is sopost to be really hot and muggy here, and we have not broken down and turned our air on yet..(another way we try to be thrifty..) so it will be a challenge, especially with me getting huge and hot….

Time to move forward, thanks for listening:)

Today I had an appointment with my midwife. I know that any woman in the community would agree with me when I say that we are so lucky to have Cosette here in Des Moines. She is awsome, for better lack of words. I just don’t think that someone who uses a OB, or a group of midwives at a hospital can possibly understand what it is like to be given such undivided hour and a half attention for your personal relationship with your care-giver. Basically my appointments consist of us chatting. This time around things are much different than when I was pregnant with my first. The first time around there was alot of crying on my part during the appointments working out my fears and emotions before the big day. Not that I don’t have those this time, but they are different. Now my biggest fear is just the fact that I am going to be the mother of TWO children…and can I really do that? How can I possibly love them both equally, and other thoughts along those lines.

You might not think that all this sounds important, but I believe that it is. I think that being prepared to give birth to new life is just as much an emotional process as it is physical. It’s just that most OB’s and other birth center midwives are much to busy to acknowledge that and really get to know YOU, as a person and build that center of trust that must be there in order to let your body do it’s job.

Another thing I love about my midwife is her natural, calm, nurturing personality. She speaks in such a tone that is so soothing and understanding. She doesn’t look at me like I am wierd if I start crying for what appears to be no reason at all. Today she was encouraging me to treat myself to some things during this pregnancy such as massage therapy, acupuncture, or healing touch therapy. I guess I just don’t think I “need” some of these things, but really my body and my growing baby DESERVES them. Well, I have a sister-in-law who does massage therapy and has her own table, if I could only convince her to give me a massage and let someone else hold her little girl for an hour or so…Jessica!!!! And I’ve never done acupuncture and have no doubts that it would be a treat, but I am really interested in contacting Gail to have some energy work done.

What I am really trying to say in this post, is that I feel so blessed to have been referred to my midwife a couple of years ago and that I thank her for all that she does for myself and all the other women who have had empowered experiences because of her work.

Oh, and all is well with the baby, heartbeat in the 140’s and mama has put on a healthy 18lbs so far at 24weeks. I gained 45 with Ethan, so we’ll see what happens this time! We have our ultrasound in 2 weeks, and are so excited to get a little glimpse of our squirmy little one.

I am feeling good now about having enough diapers to use on both Ethan, and the new baby come fall. I would love to think that we are headed in the direction of potty training with Ethan, but beings he is only 1 1/2, I know I shouldn’t get my hopes up, as there could be another 1 1/2 yrs in diapers realistically. I recently hit the jackpot with finding ladies on Craigslist who were selling their old diapers for really, really cheap. I got 5 new small fitteds, 2 pockets, and 1 Bumkins AIO for at grand total of $10!! And the diapers are really cute. I also made a purchase from a local WAHM who runs a diaper business and got a couple of wetbags that are super cute and handy, as well as a few fun diapers from her. Then, just this morning I drove with my sister in law to pick up a great package of diapers that we are splitting since her little gal isn’t so little anymore and I am not in the position to hand down diapers to her since we still are using the larger ones…so we got 12 Fuzzi Bunz pocket diapers for $2 a piece, 2 of them were only a dollar due to slight staining..( I can hardly see it), and we each got a large sized hemp swaddlebees fitted for $5, and she got 2 new Bummis wraps for $5. What can I say, I am the queen of thriftiness. You have to be when you are on a very limited budget. Plus I really like the idea of not buying new, but reusing existing things, being brought to new life:) The only thing we need to do is replace the elastic on all of the Fuzzi Bunz, which I was a bit nervous about, but after doing 5 minutes of research, I found a great site with photos of each step, and you can even do it by hand..this is the kind of help I need, pictures and details for the sewing dummy.

This is all part of the nesting that I am slowly doing to prepare for another little babe. I can’t wait to see him/her in these cute little diapers, oh and the sweet smell of runny BM poop again:)

I just have to get this out and say that these neighborhood kids around here drive me crazy. Packs of mostly boys who just walk around obviously bored out of their minds, and have nothing better to do than mess with other people’s stuff. I hate being the neighborhood “police”, but I just can’t stand back and say nothing either. It’s not like they are doing awful stuff like robbing or breaking windows, they just go around people’s yards and climb our towers and get on top of the roof of the garage etc. Running through our yards and jumping our fences to do so. What kind of manners do the parents of these kids teach them? Not many obviously. It is sad to me that so many kids are so bored and must not be getting much attention at home and end up roaming around getting into trouble to keep themselves busy. I hope to instill better values in my child. Enough said…Kids, don’t mess with the pregnant lady, you’ll be sorry you did.

I went into this with a very open mind. I still feel that holds true, but things as of lately have been very challenging. Ethan loves his mamas. (Our term for my breasts) Only problem is, is that he loves them ALL the time. Quite awhile back he developed an obsessive behavior with touching them whenever he possible can for his means of comfort. He nurses practically all night long, and now, being pregnant, my nipples are VERY sensitive. So much so that when he latches on I want to scream bloody murder. I just grit my teeth and wait for it to be over. I really don’t want to force wean him, I am willing to nurse all through this pregnancy and possibly tandem nurse if it came to that, but what I am trying to say is that it is becoming really difficult.

I know I am not the only mom who has ever expirienced this, I just need to get out there and talk to more ladies about how to get through this difficult time for me and for him. I have a feeling this is just one of the many challenges I’m about to face with being pregnant and taking care of a demanding toddler, but there is no going back now:)

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So yesterday I had fun trying a new recipe and enjoying the end result with dinner last night. I have recently been to the library and checked out the book “From A Baker’s Kitchen”, by Gail Sher.

I have been making mostly sourdough breads lately from the starter I started in November of last year, but I was getting tired of them and needed a change. This book focuses mostly on starting with a sponge and then the making of the bread itself is a 5 step process.

I will admit that I skipped two of the steps that required you to rise the bread 3 times total, I only did one rise.  It was still good, but I think next time I will be more prepared in the early morning, as this kind of rising is an all day process!  The bread was melt in your mouth delicious, as it should have been as it was made with 6 eggs and 1 1/2 c butter!  I split the dough in half and made one loaf cinnamon raisin bread and the other one parmesan.  Gabe is a big bread eater so I know there will be no problems devouring it in the next couple of days.  What shall I try next?

Welcome to my very first blog entry!  I have been wanting to start one for quite some time now.  This will be a place for me to write my thoughts regarding motherhood, family, about  remaining true to myself amidst life changes, and about my passion in life…food!

I have learned that I need to start setting aside time for ME, and this is the perfect opportunity for that.

What a better time to start, then now that Ethan has just turned one!